Dissatisfaction with the career I was in, and the life I was leading, was taking its toll on me. Past grief and old issues, combined with my excess weight, were like chains I was dragging around with me daily. If 50 was the new 30, I wasn’t feeling it. I felt that each day was just like the day before, with a endless vista of the same old thing ahead of me. The only lights in my life are my children, but at 17 and 21 they are beginning their own lives, and I realized that I needed to do something for myself fairly quickly, or I would be the proverbial cat lady my children joked I was becoming. I have wonderful friends, but they have their own spouses and families, and weren’t responsible for providing me with entertainment.
After being laid off from yet another job in September, I knew that I didn’t want to go back to that type of work again, and I thought about going back to school. Wow, back to school in the year I was turning 50. Did I really want to do it? I knew that I didn’t want to go back to school unless it was for something that I had a passion for. I toyed briefly with chef/cooking school, because I love to cook and entertain, but it just didn’t grab me. So, I pushed that idea to the back burner along with everything else.
Having the time off from a full time job, gave me a lot of time to think. For the first few weeks of being laid off, it felt as though I was on holiday, but as time went on, I fell into a rut. In October, there were many things that happened that made we question where I was going, and what I should be doing. I was financially struggling, and was becoming complacent about my house, and my life. I took a part time job to supplement the employment insurance I was receiving, but that started to become another chain around me, knowing that I didn’t really want to do it, but that I had to do it to stay afloat.
I truly believe that the Universe provides us with what we need when we need it; we just need to open ourselves up to recognizing it when it’s given to us.
In October, I asked to be given what I needed, and knew that it would come. I just hoped that I would recognize it when it came.
Shortly after, I had the opportunity to sign up with an outdoor activity group, but when I went to the first outing I felt out of place among all of those fit people. They were very nice and extremely encouraging, but I knew that I needed to get into better shape to really enjoy being in this group.
A few days after this event with the activity group, I read about a woman of about my age who decided that she wanted to live her passion. She had sold everything and chucked her “old life” in Texas to pursue her passions in L.A. Unfortunately, she was struck and killed by a van not too long after moving out to L.A. I had never met her, but when I read of her passing, it brought home to me that life is very fragile and far too often fleeting. I was sorry that I didn’t get to know her, especially when reading about her life, and how she touched so many lives, both IRL (in real life) and on the blogmunity that she belonged to. People who “knew” her only from her words, grieved her loss as greatly as those who were in her life on a daily basis. Her story and her decision to live her dreams, made me more aware that I needed to stop doing the same old thing, and find my passion.
I took my first step on November 1, 2010 with the goal of being in better health by the time I turn 50 this July. Little did I know what wonderful things I would discover along the way.
I knew that I didn’t want to be where I was anymore, but I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go.
Since that time, I have definitely accomplished quite a lot of things. With my oldest in her 3rd year of university, and my other child preparing to start his university career in the fall of 2011, I realized that I don’t need this huge house that I am living in, nor all of the “stuff” that fills it. I have de-cluttered my house and simplified my life. What a great feeling that was to completely purge! I’m sure the charity shops didn’t know what hit them! The time off also helped me accomplish getting caught up financially.
When I made the decision to be in better health before I turned 50 this July, I was only thinking of the physical aspect of that, not realizing that it would help me mentally and spiritually as well. Because of the people that I have met and the insights and information I have have discovered in my health journey, I now know what I want to do when I grow up.
I will be going back to school to take a holistic nutrition course. When I am accepted to the school I want to go to, I will be starting school in March. When the one year course is complete, I will be a R.H.N. (Registered Holistic Nutritionist) and the possibilities for me are huge. Both of my children will be in university and starting their new lives, so I can downsize my house, and live anywhere I want to. I have a list of goals and plans once I have my certificate, but, baby steps for now.
The rest of the staircase is still ahead of me.